How Goodbye Really Sounds
by writergirl96
Summary: A stranger would look at the two of us, a boy and an old woman, and think that maybe it is a grandmother with her grandson, they would never know that they were looking at two former lovers. That the woman standing before me still held my whole heart. And


**This is based on if Edward had really left Bella in New Moon. He never came back. Alice never came back. Bella ended up marrying Jacob. It's from Edward's POV and it's basically about what he sees when he checks in on her over the years. **

*

She was always beautiful, of course. But there was something about her standing up there on that stage, smiling underneath all of those lights. I could see both of her parents, for once standing side-by-side as they looked on proudly at their daughter. I knew all of the kids standing up on that stage, Jessica, Mike, Angela, Ben, Eric, Tyler, but I only saw Bella.

It had been a long time since I had seen her, nine months. I knew that it was foolish of me to show up here today of all days but I just couldn't help it. I couldn't stay away. I was planning on watching her, I was planning on sneaking into her bedroom just like I used to and listening to her dreams. Because I wanted to know, needed to know, if she was all right.

I didn't expect that after nine months that she would still love me, still want me. But I couldn't stay away any longer so I was going to find out today. None of my family knew that I was here and if this didn't go the way that I was hoping it would, Bella would never know that I was here.

I had dressed for the occasion in a big jacket and a baseball cap with sunglasses. I was hoping that enough time had passed by that most of the people around town wouldn't recognize me too quickly. So I stood in the back, my eyes on Bella, waiting and wondering.

*

I thought of him today and I don't really know why. I mean, not that I didn't think of him every day since he's been gone but today I sat on my bed, legs curled underneath me and I really thought about him. First, I addressed the physical pain that it caused me to think about him. I took deep breaths, exercising my torn lungs, I clutched my bedspread in my palms till my hands turned white, and I thought about him.

I remembered his musical laugh, his velvet voice, his cold hands, his perfect face. I remember the anger in his eyes, the loving way that he used to look at me. I remembered holding his hand, kissing his lips, loving the way that his cold, stone arms felt around me. And when I finally felt ready, I remembered his promises of forever.

And I let myself wonder, for just a minute, what it would be like if he were here today. What I would do if he just showed up here today and saw me standing there in my cap and gown, still so in love with him that it made my heart ache.

I wondered what he would say.

*

I don't know why I hadn't expected this. I should have. Somehow I had missed the kid that was standing next to Charlie until he was walking up to Bella and swinging her around in his arms, setting her down on her feet and then kissing her.

Kissing her.

I couldn't count the hundreds of thousands of times I had dreamed of doing just that. Of picking her up, pressing my lips to hers. Just imaging it made me feel like it would be enough to start my heart that had not beaten in a hundred years.

*

Her bedroom was very much the same. I stood with my hands clenched into fists inside my pockets so that maybe I would have some small chance of fighting the urge to reach down and touch her. To lie down next to her and bury my face in her hair. Her scent was assaulting me in waves but today, for once, I welcomed it. I breathed it in deeply and wondered why I had ever left her.

I knew my reasons inside and out. It really was better this way, for her. Look at her now, happy with someone new. Someone who she wouldn't have to worry about killing her simply because he could not refuse himself the taste of her. It turns out that I had done the right thing nine months ago in leaving her.

But still I listened, waited for her to start to speak. And speak she did. She spoke of Charlie, of graduation, of her mother, of summer. She spoke of her friends and her life now. I even heard a boy's unfamiliar name somewhere in there.

But she spoke nothing of me.

I thought again of the boy that had picked her up and held her and kissed her. That was when I bouquet of flowers caught my attention. I walked over and quickly read the card. It said simply, _Love, Jacob _

And I cannot tell you why those two letters broke my hear to so completely. I guess it was because I had never considered that she could love him. That perhaps she already did.

*

Bella is thirty years old today. I had managed to stay away from her for twelve years. I had managed to get the pain inside of me down to a dull roar. In those twelve years, a lot had changed. I had gotten my degree in medicine, I worked in the ER as a night doctor. I was getting good at it, too. The smell of human blood affected me much less than it had before.

I hadn't seen Carlisle and Esme in almost a year. Last I heard they were still living somewhere in Alaska but they were considering moving to another country, somewhere in Europe. Rosalie and Emmett were actually living in Seattle while Jasper and Alice were taking a break from traveling for a little while and spending time at Isle Esme.

I remembered when I had dreamed of taking Bella there.

I can see Bella from where I'm standing, only a hundred feet or so from her. If she looked up, she would see me. I know that she would. In so many ways, I want her to. She's playing with a dark haired little girl on the beach and I see that beneath her shirt, her stomach is round with child.

I take in a deep breath and I can faintly smell her from where I'm standing. I notice the wedding ring on her left hand and I see the glowing smile on her face. Bella is married with a child, another on a way. She finally said yes to someone, she finally found someone who could take her heart away from me. I closed my eyes for just a second, feeling the heat of the pain assault me.

This is what I always wanted for her, this is why I left her. All that time ago, I had sat myself down and made myself think about the life that she would have. I imagined her husband, her children, I made myself acknowledge that she would someday forget about me. That she'd move on.

I studied her again for another moment and noticed all of the changes in her. Aside from her swollen stomach, her body was much the same as it always had been. Her ivory skin, her chocolate brown eyes. I noticed the beginnings of the lines around her eyes and she wore more make-up now than she used to. But she was still young and energetic and so beautiful that it made me ache.

And just as I was about to walk away, she looked up and she saw me there. But I was gone before the thought could register in her mind, running through the forest, trying to escape the demons that kept pulling me back here.

*

I am one hundred and seventy-four years old. I have seen a lot in my lifetime, I've done all of the things that I had ever wanted to do, visited all of the places that had ever called my attention. I have made many mistakes but I only have one real regret. And that one regret is letting Bella Swan go. She is eighty-three years old today and I can see her standing on the beach, barefoot, from where I stand.

Her hair is silver now and her face is covered in wrinkles. Her eyes are closed and I know that if she opens them, they will be unchanged. They will be the same chocolate brown that they have always been. I can see the similarities between this Bella and the Bella that I knew. The shape of her jaw, the sweep of her nose. Her hands are nothing like the ones that I held, they are covered in arthritis and I know that they must bring her much pain.

I'm not sure what makes me do it, but I approach her now for the first time in sixty-six years. "Bella." I say her name softly, wondering if she will even remember me anymore. It's foolish of me to think so. I left her when she was seventeen, a young girl, and she is now a old woman.

But she is still beautiful to me.

I watch as her head turns, her eyes widen with shock, and I hear her breath come out in a whoosh. Her heart rate accelerates and I want to know now more than ever before what she is thinking. "Edward?" She says to me.

A stranger would look at the two of us, a boy and an old woman, and think that maybe it is a grandmother with her grandson, they would never know that they were looking at two former lovers. That the woman standing before me still held my whole heart. And that today, talking with her, was the happiest day I had had in sixty-six years. "Hello." And I smiled at her.

"What are you doing here?" She says to me and her voice isn't the same as it was when she was seventeen but it's still beautiful. I feel something tighten inside of me and I knew that if I could cry, I would be crying now.

"I came to see you." I said. "I was visiting Rosalie and Emmett in Seattle and I thought that I would come by and see you."

She still said nothing.

"Is that okay?"

"It has been sixty-six years, Edward." Her voice sounded strained and I was wondering if she should sit down. And then I wanted to laugh at myself. I was still worrying about her, still trying to save her.

"I know." I tried to smile but it didn't come out right. "I know." I said again.

"What made you come now?"

I put my hands in my pockets. I was aching to reach out and touch her, to run my fingers along her wrinkled brow, to feel the warmth of her beneath my hands. She still smelled exactly the same. It was a good thing that I had lots of practice with human blood and controlling myself. "I missed you." I said honestly.

The old woman before me stared at me in shock. "It took you sixty-six years to miss me?" She asked.

"No," I said. "I missed you before I even left you." I wanted to smile for her, I wanted to so badly but I found that the muscles in my face wouldn't work. I found that I couldn't move.

"Then why…" She trailed off, tears filling those chocolate brown eyes.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you anymore, Bella. I couldn't be held responsible for your death or worse. I couldn't end your life and everyday we were getting closer to that. I know that we were. I left you so that you could have this." I motioned with my arms at her, her gray hair, her wrinkled eyes. "I wanted to give you the privilege of growing old."

"You think this is a privilege?" She asked me, raising an eyebrow. And I saw then that she was still the same girl. The same Bella that I had fallen in love with in an old woman's body.

"I wanted you to be able to get married and to have babies. I wanted to give you a life."

She shook her head at me, a tear falling down her wrinkled cheeks. She folded her hands together and I saw the wedding band on her finger. "I love my husband, Edward."

"I know and that's not what I came. Really it's not-"

"No," She said, cutting me off. "You don't understand. I love my husband but there has not been one day in the past sixty-six years that I have not thought about you. There has not been one moment where I close my eyes and not seen your face. I still love you every single bit as much as I did back then and the pain is still just as bad. And I know that this makes me a horrible person. I don't wish away my husband or my children or my grandchildren, but I would still give everything to be able to go back to me and you sixty-six years ago."

I felt like a wrecking ball had knocked into me. "I would, too." I said softly.

She pressed her lips together into a line and I couldn't help but remember all of the times that I had kissed those lips. "We really loved each other, didn't we?"

I could see now that I had made a horrible mistake. Not just for me, but for her, too. I had left her all that time ago so that she could live her life fully, so that she could find all of the happiness that she deserved. But I had hurt her so much more than I had helped her.

So it was me and Bella again. Standing face to face for the first time in such a long time. It shouldn't matter anymore, it really shouldn't. Our time had been a lifetime ago, the hurts should have all been healed over now but they weren't. We could see the scars on each other just as clearly as if they had happened yesterday.

"I never stopped loving you," I told her weakly, tightening my hands in my pockets.

She looked up at me then and smiled, a heartbroken smile. "I know."

So this is how it went. How it ended, finally she knew the truth after sixty-six years of silence. Maybe it should make me feel better…but it didn't.


End file.
